PARANORMAL

Shaded glass

2007-07-08T20:02:00.001-07:00

2007-06-03T10:37:00.000-07:00

apprehension -

1. intuitive understanding; perception on a direct and immediate level.

2. fearful or uneasy anticipation of the future; painful expectation; dread.

Apprehension is an active state of fear, usually of some danger or misfortune
Anxiety is a somewhat prolonged state of apprehensive worry.

2007-05-13T07:00:00.000-07:00

"Our present and future realities are functions of absence and loss as much as of presence and gain."

T.S.T.

2803a

2007-04-29T21:20:00.001-07:00

2007-04-22T04:49:00.000-07:00

I always said that any given choice that's limited in its options is not a choice at all, but rather a forced decision. I need to know that at any given situation there will always be more than a limited number of choices. I need a life of possibilities that go beyond all limits. Possibilities that allow me to be at any place at any given time, even if my decisions are driven by whims and do not necessarily follow logic. Even if after making any given choice, however random and whimsical, i'll be eliminating all the rest of the options, at least i will know that my i was making a free choice, instead of being forced to choose between black or white...

2007-04-21T17:18:00.000-07:00

2007-03-04T19:41:00.000-08:00

ambivalence

uncertainty or fluctuation, esp. when caused by inability to make a choice or by a simultaneous desire to say or do two opposite or conflicting things.

uncertainty or indecisiveness as to which course to follow.

the coexistence of opposing attitudes or feelings toward a person, an object, or an idea.

It's hard to be god

2007-03-02T12:17:00.001-08:00

Windows

2007-02-11T12:41:00.000-08:00

2007-02-04T13:41:00.000-08:00

Normality - NORMAL

1. conforming to a norm, standard, pattern, level, or type - typical; usual; regular, natural.

2. Functioning or occurring in a natural way; lacking observable abnormalities or deficiencies.

3. Approximately average in any psychological or behavioral trait, as intelligence,
personality or emotional adjustment.

Free from any mental disorder; sane.

NORMAL vs. Abnormal- i.e. atypical, nonstandard, irregular, unusual, deviant, odd, peculiar,
aberrant,

2007-01-29T15:25:00.001-08:00

2006-12-02T08:50:00.001-08:00

I feel like i'm living out a dream out of many dreams that are conflicted and in discord with one another...

2006-11-05T18:10:00.000-08:00

2006-10-18T10:23:00.000-07:00

what's on your mind-cause i can't read it...

2006-10-15T16:49:00.000-07:00

search in vain for the right lyrics and the right tunes- and still you wont find a song that fits the current mood
make a riddle out of what's obvious- and spend the rest of your days trying to decipher it.
how fucking ironic, like it always is
ain't no love and you know it
dont judge, dont scoff, dont turn away
say it, say it out loudly- it's right there, staring at your face...
no need to wonder, and yet i do...

reality check

2006-06-03T10:42:00.000-07:00

uncertainty

2006-05-19T15:19:00.000-07:00

2006-05-02T09:17:00.000-07:00

I'm dreaming about a dream that is the future long lost to the past only to wake up and find it in my reality

imagine a place- that place

2006-04-18T19:53:00.001-07:00

... by the time you get there, if would be too late...

time-yours

2006-04-18T19:47:00.000-07:00

"its all it takes. it heals all wounds. It makes the heart grow fonder. is what i eat. can change me. will kill you. is forever. has always been. gives you experience. takes away your options. is short. is space. is now."

crw

the reality that's no longer real

2006-01-10T02:37:00.000-08:00

decipher

2006-01-09T02:45:00.001-08:00

the code that you once wrote...

u
remember
a force-fed voice
screaming out for pain
vanishes in contour of itself
without much attention in the network
-and how it unfolds in disarray

so
forever in a vision without seeing
but always aware that there are
soemtimes always things forever
complications...

hacking out the reality myth...

2005-12-15T00:49:00.000-08:00

the feedback loop

2005-12-15T00:37:00.000-08:00

"an instance past that has no importance-unless what you place it upon"

memory-an echo of the event. a photocopy of what once was real. a phantom.
possessing no substance. a deadly sound. a reminder of what's gone forever. and you choke on your own bile of remorse and regret, and yet you're still holding on to it, of if you let go, there will be noting to hold on to anymore.

* Quickly the Change *

2005-12-15T00:22:00.000-08:00

descent down the path to insanity. or rather unSanity.
trip down the memory line
and there is comes

"it comes. and it goes.
all of it. very slowly.
and then very abruptly.
u say it does not make any sense
but then- what does?
i try to ignore the obvious and get stuck in a feedback loop.
i use an excuse to hide my laziness [or rather reluctance?] but it's really just despair. i'm gradually starting [to understand it all].
like an instant past it's not important
except for what u place upon it.
or rather what u place it upon
the present. ever heard that life is a gift? hence we call it the present.
how fucking boring.
so you just sit there and listen to the moment. watching the light and realizing it's only what it seems...
make no asumption.
unless u kno
the first step is to realize that u know nothing..."

and more of the same

"u can run. but u can't hide from the inevitability.
i have this constant fear, not so much a fear as a premonition that the world i understand will fall apart and i will be left alone... more utterly alone than i have ever know. what do you do then?" [for further references see perfect vacuum]
quite simply-run... [why shouldn't you? what's holding you back?]
-my reality
it forces upon me- so for now i have no choice but be
unintelligable.
dont scoff. don't judge
be with me. forever. be. without me.
there is no future
so close to tears..."

and then

"there's always that moment, the time u never expect. that's how u got here to begin with. that's how u got the memories u can't believe when u remember them. [and you can't remember to forget...]
u never know. that's why it hurts...
that's now it ends. without the need to worry. it's all gone like the wind.
and on a whim- u don't care. frankly, i don't give a damn."

***

2005-12-15T00:11:00.000-08:00

i could be a virus infecting yr mind
i could be the one u saw this afternoon
remember me? i passed on yr left and smiled
but u looked away...
forget it, u imagined.

-you

(remember?)

...

2005-12-14T10:34:00.000-08:00

"a perfect spiral wound around yr mind
an exact replica of a though u never had
a truth for the misery of descent
a time that land forgot
a word
a waste
beautiful..."

-crw