Shaded glass

apprehension -

1. intuitive understanding; perception on a direct and immediate level.

2. fearful or uneasy anticipation of the future; painful expectation; dread.

Apprehension is an active state of fear, usually of some danger or misfortune
Anxiety is a somewhat prolonged state of apprehensive worry.

"Our present and future realities are functions of absence and loss as much as of presence and gain."

T.S.T.

2803a

I always said that any given choice that's limited in its options is not a choice at all, but rather a forced decision. I need to know that at any given situation there will always be more than a limited number of choices. I need a life of possibilities that go beyond all limits. Possibilities that allow me to be at any place at any given time, even if my decisions are driven by whims and do not necessarily follow logic. Even if after making any given choice, however random and whimsical, i'll be eliminating all the rest of the options, at least i will know that my i was making a free choice, instead of being forced to choose between black or white...

ambivalence

uncertainty or fluctuation, esp. when caused by inability to make a choice or by a simultaneous desire to say or do two opposite or conflicting things.

uncertainty or indecisiveness as to which course to follow.

the coexistence of opposing attitudes or feelings toward a person, an object, or an idea.