hacking out the reality myth...

the feedback loop

"an instance past that has no importance-unless what you place it upon"

memory-an echo of the event. a photocopy of what once was real. a phantom.
possessing no substance. a deadly sound. a reminder of what's gone forever. and you choke on your own bile of remorse and regret, and yet you're still holding on to it, of if you let go, there will be noting to hold on to anymore.

* Quickly the Change *

descent down the path to insanity. or rather unSanity.
trip down the memory line
and there is comes

"it comes. and it goes.
all of it. very slowly.
and then very abruptly.
u say it does not make any sense
but then- what does?
i try to ignore the obvious and get stuck in a feedback loop.
i use an excuse to hide my laziness [or rather reluctance?] but it's really just despair. i'm gradually starting [to understand it all].
like an instant past it's not important
except for what u place upon it.
or rather what u place it upon
the present. ever heard that life is a gift? hence we call it the present.
how fucking boring.
so you just sit there and listen to the moment. watching the light and realizing it's only what it seems...
make no asumption.
unless u kno
the first step is to realize that u know nothing..."

and more of the same

"u can run. but u can't hide from the inevitability.
i have this constant fear, not so much a fear as a premonition that the world i understand will fall apart and i will be left alone... more utterly alone than i have ever know. what do you do then?" [for further references see perfect vacuum]
quite simply-run... [why shouldn't you? what's holding you back?]
-my reality
it forces upon me- so for now i have no choice but be
unintelligable.
dont scoff. don't judge
be with me. forever. be. without me.
there is no future
so close to tears..."

and then

"there's always that moment, the time u never expect. that's how u got here to begin with. that's how u got the memories u can't believe when u remember them. [and you can't remember to forget...]
u never know. that's why it hurts...
that's now it ends. without the need to worry. it's all gone like the wind.
and on a whim- u don't care. frankly, i don't give a damn."

***

i could be a virus infecting yr mind
i could be the one u saw this afternoon
remember me? i passed on yr left and smiled
but u looked away...
forget it, u imagined.

-you

(remember?)

...

"a perfect spiral wound around yr mind
an exact replica of a though u never had
a truth for the misery of descent
a time that land forgot
a word
a waste
beautiful..."

-crw